this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
