I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
