Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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