everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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