i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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