i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
