Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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