half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
