at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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