So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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