the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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