You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
