Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
