we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's the barista slut.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
