you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
