its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
