you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
