im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
