So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
