I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
