John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
