i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
