three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
