Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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