But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
