So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
