so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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