The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
