i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
