my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
