Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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