Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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