I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
