roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
