I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
