They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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