Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
