Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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