glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
