The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
