I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
