every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
