I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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