Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
