even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
