I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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