Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
