You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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