Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
