literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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