I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
