Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
