is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
