he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
