I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
