I think i peed on brittanys purse
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
