I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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