What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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