Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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