Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
