living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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