He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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