just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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