I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
