She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
whose parrot is this?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
