Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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