Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
