I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
