His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
