Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
