and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
