I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
