you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
