Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just pee around me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
