It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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