Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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